"Be still, and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10
I really don't know how to start to write this and I can't promise it will be organized. It's just feelings. Tears and lots of feelings. They aren't all happy, but the ending is the best part, right?-
The question of "where is God" during difficult days has been popular these past few months, or years to be exact.
What do you do when the one you love is destroying her life? The feelings of desperation and defeat that cause you to just sit back and watch? How is that even okay? What do you do when your best friend has been struggling with a drug problem that has only gotten progressively worse? It's hard, though, to figure out all the details to this situation because it's one that doesn't make much sense to me. How did we get taught the same Gospel and come to know the same Jesus, yet live such different lives? Did we or did we not hear the same messages preached at youth camp, sit together at most Cross Culture nights taking the same notes, hanging out with the same "good church kids" and most of all, getting saved and baptized at the same summer camp in the little town of Waymart, PA? Where did it all go wrong? How did she, who comes from a loving Godly family, walk away from her faith to the pleasures of this world? From a statistical standpoint, that should be me. Coming from the single-parent, dad in and out of my life, background I come from, shouldn't that be me? Shouldn't I be the one that is addicted to drugs, alcohol, and men? I will never understand why God chose me and saved me, but I will understand His never ending love. And I believe that to be true for my best friend as well. Although we can't see it now, God has his hand on her life. I know, I know. "Where is God's provision when she's destroying her life and we just have to sit back and watch?" This is where I have to remind myself of the character of God. It's not God who gave her this addiction. It's not God who causes her to destroy the life she was blessed with. In fact, it's God who is fighting for her salvation and for her to run back into his arms again. It's Jesus who is sitting at the right hand of the father weeping and praying for her salvation. It's God who hears the multitude of prayers being lifted up to Him from her family, friends, and church members. It's God who hears our cries. How good is it that we have a Savior who knows what it's like to weep?
That being said, I'm still currently learning how to trust God in this situation. I have to be careful not to blame God or doubt his goodness. It's the easiest thing to do in this situation, but it's also the worst thing I could do. Because I know that God is good, I am called to trust in his promises. It's not easy, but I know that God is with me. I know that he loves me. And I know that he loves my friend more than I could ever possibly compare to. I've been through more heavy trials in my short 20 years of life than most people have in their 40's. The one thing I've learned from that is the peace of God that comes in those times of desperation and defeat. When we no longer feel like we have anything to live for, that's when a friend shoots you a text saying they prayed for you today or re-reading that bible verse you've read multiple times and seeing Christ in a new way you never saw before. It's those times where God truly meets us. And I'm confidant he has great plans for my friend in the midst of this situation. She is loved more than she'll ever know.
As I was struggling trusting God yesterday in all this, I had a vision of her in her living room. Crying in desperation of finding hope, Christ entered into her room. He took the pills and needles out of her hands. He lent over to her and wept with her. "Do you not know that I died on the cross for you? That I endured the suffering you don't have to bring upon yourself? That the highs and lows of drugs and alcohol are the opposite of what I have planned for you? Come with me, and I will show you all I have to offer." She got up and went with him. Completely dressed in white and made new again, she walked away with him............... This brings tears to my eyes and peace to my heart. Not only did it show me how much he loves my friend, but it showed me how much he loves me. How much he loves everyone. His pursuit of me is never ending. When we stumble and fall, he is right there to lead us back to the path of righteousness. This portrait is exactly what Christ does. He brings himself to us and makes us knew again. How great is it to have a Savior that loves us so much he went to cross knowing we did and will sin against him?
"No human being who truly understood the salvation Jesus has offered to us would reject that salvation of his own free will."
Would you please pray for her? Pray for her family. That they would trust Christ in this situation and lean on him during the times of defeat. Pray for her friends to continue to walk with her and love her how Christ loves her. Pray that she would come to know and love Jesus. That the pain and sting of addiction will leave her body so she can think, act, and live a healthy life for Christ. God is good.
