Mary's Submission to God

Whew... it is SO good to be done with school for the semester. I apologize for not posting in a while, but school was calling. I've missed you, Blogger.

This time last year I was going through a really hard time spiritually due to relational issues and some family struggles. I found myself on Christmas morning saddened how I had just wasted the entire month of December. Not once did I prepare myself for Christmas. Sure I went out and bought presents, but did I ever once reflect on what God wanted me to receive from Him as the Christmas season approached? Not at all. Well, I decided I wasn't going to make that same mistake again. I found this awesome free online Advent Calendar (thanks to Sarah Smith) that I've been going through. Huge shout out to John Piper for offering a free Advent Devotional e-book that couldn't have been cheaper or more easily accessible for this broke college girl. :)

Good News of Great Joy by John Piper

Although I'm only 6 days into it, I have benefited from it so much. Yesterday's spoke so much to me. John Piper asks the question "Now you would think that if God so rules the world as to use an empire-wide census to bring Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem, he surely could have seen to it that a room was available in the inn." It's funny, I've thought about this question before and it always helps me to remember that Christ was a humble servant.

He came into this world humble- The King of Kings being born in a manger.
He walked this Earth humble- hanging out with sinners and proclaiming the Good News about his Father and always giving God the glory.
He left this Earth practicing humility- being crucified like a criminal between two guilty people while he was pure and blameless.

So remembering Christ's humility when you're reading through the Christmas story really puts it into perspective for you. And just think how humble and obedient Mary was. Although she can't compare to her Son (because he WAS sinless,) she did a great job following God's calling for her life. Okay, put yourself in Mary's shoes for a second. Your like what, 14 or 15 years old? Virgin. Engaged to the man you love. You can't imagine your life to possibly get any better than this. And then one day, an angel appears before you and claims you are pregnant with the Holy Spirit. Joseph wants a divorce because he probably thinks you cheated on him. (Matt 1:19) Trusting in God is your only option at this point. Your life went from ordinary to extraordinary in a matter of days. An angel appears to Joseph and tells him the good news that it is truly indeed the Savior she is pregnant with. After much prayer, your husband agrees to raise this child with you and believes it is from The Lord. A decree goes out for a Census (which hasn't happened before in your lifetime.) This king hears about your son and plans to kill him and all the other male children just so he can continue to be the most powerful. So now, you're nine months pregnant, extremely uncomfortable, and fearing your sons life so you run away to Bethlehem with your husband on a donkey. Riding on the back of a donkey is uncomfortable even when you're not 9 months pregnant. The stress probably puts you into labor (okay the bible doesn't actually say that but I'm sure it had something to do with it,) and you go to this inn hoping you can get a room to deliver this child. You're in fear, you're in shock, and you're in pain. a lot of pain. There are no rooms in the inn, but the inn keeper lets you use his stable which smells like horse manure. How kind of him, right? (remember Christ's humility?) You give birth to a son and name him Jesus for He will be "great and will be called the Son of the Most High." (Luke 1:32) Many people come and adore this child because they know he is truly the Savior. You are in awe of the work God has done and the work He will continue to do in this Son's life!

I mean I can't help but wonder if Mary thought to herself "Lord, why me?" I ask God that question all the time when God puts me on new paths or gives me new missions to accomplish I don't feel called or able to do, and they don't even compare to the work Mary did for God. In the Protestant Christian faith (that is, not Catholic) we do not worship Mary. We don't even pray to her. But, we do value her as a Godly woman of God who willingly gave her life as an offering to God. I mean think about it, she probably had great plans for her life that possibly got changed because of this. But, God had better plans for her. Better plans than she ever could have imagined. She gave birth to our Savior! I love reading the Christmas story because it shows God fulfilling His promise from all the way back to the Old Testament. But, I also love reading the story from Mary's perspective and seeing how she just obeyed God. She wasn't sinless and I'm sure she had doubts about it, but she not only listened to God; she obeyed him. She submitted her life to Him admitting the fact that she was on this Earth for God not for herself. Oh, Lord it is my prayer that I will have the obedience and wiliness to submit to Your plans like Mary did!

Mary's Song of Praise: The Magnificat

⁴⁶ And Mary said,

“My soul magnifies the Lord,
⁴⁷     and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
⁴⁸ for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant.
    For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed;
⁴⁹ for he who is mighty has done great things for me,
    and holy is his name.
⁵⁰ And his mercy is for those who fear him
    from generation to generation.
⁵¹ He has shown strength with his arm;
    he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts;
⁵² he has brought down the mighty from their thrones
    and exalted those of humble estate;
⁵³ he has filled the hungry with good things,
    and the rich he has sent away empty.
⁵⁴ He has helped his servant Israel,
    in remembrance of his mercy,
⁵⁵ as he spoke to our fathers,
    to Abraham and to his offspring forever.”

God's Never Ending Pursuit of His Children

Last night I went into the city with Kaitlin to Drexel Students for Christ. I absolutely love visiting  because I love to see the work God is doing on that campus. I do, however, normally end up feeling downcast when I leave because of the lack of evangelism on my campus. Instead of being encouraged by the work at Drexel, I can feel discouraged at the lack of work at Widener, which I blame myself for. That's another topic for another time, but last night I left more encouraged and met by God than I ever had at a campus fellowship group.

The speaker (I totally didn't even catch his name) was from a 10th Pres church plant in the heart of Camden. Can I just say how much I loved hearing from him? He had such a passion for the Lord that he would have to pause to catch his breath because he was going off about Christ's love so fast. He had so many words to say that 45 minutes wouldn't have allowed. I absolutely love Covenant Fellowship and I'm thankful for the rich teaching I receive from Sovereign Grace pastors, but I have to admit I love hearing the different styles of people outside of it. I mean, we're all still serving the same God, right? The speaker spoke on God's Covenant and closed with God's never ending pursuit of us. He said, "If I were at a youth group, I'd give the example of Finding Nemo. But since I'm at a college, I'll use the movie Taken instead." He began describing the movie and how it reflects God's love for us. The rebellious daughter lied to her father and ran away from him to France. After the father made a promise with her that she would keep his commandment of having chaperones, she lied and went to follow the tour of U2. Her and her friend end up getting kidnapped the first day they get there and are sold into a sex slave. The dad, Liam Neeson, did everything in his power to find this man. He only knew him by his voice, but he hunted him down. He shot his friend's wife, tour up the entire country of France, and did everything in his power to get his daughter back. Even though she lied to her father and went against his will, he loved her unconditionally and was on a mission to get her back. Being a huge fan of that movie, I fell in love with his illustration of comparing God's never ending pursuit of us to this movie. The same goes for Finding Nemo if you've ever seen that movie. Although, I think Taken makes it a little more realistic and exciting, don't you think? ;)

I was shocked. amazed. encouraged.

Me? The girl who professes to be a Christian and sins 5 seconds later. The girl who leads a youth bible study but forgets to read her bible during the week. And me.. the girl who loves her God and church more than anything but can't seem to explain that joy to others. God loves me and he's after me, and God loves you. And no matter what situation you're in, he is never going to stop pursuing you. Be encouraged, friends. God is our Father who has an unconditional love that we will never be able to fathom.


 I have loved you with an everlasting love;
    therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you

Jeremiah 31:3

When God changes our hearts

Isaiah 55:8-9
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

This verse is one of my absolute favorites. It shows us that God's plan is way better than we can ever imagine. It causes us to trust in God with our lives instead of putting it into our own plans. The topic of God changing hearts has been on my mind a lot this week as I reflect back in my journals. Different friend groups, new and ever changing convictions toward relationships and liberties, changes in career paths, and the constant trials of life have all made me look back and see how much God has changed my heart. I'd like to say that I've matured a lot through these changes, but I don't think I can honestly write that knowing I might laugh at myself reading this post 10 years from now. I am so glad for the constant changes in paths and struggles the Lord puts us through because it really helps us see his plans more clearly.

One example of this would be my thrill of a college ride so far. When I graduated high school, I was an immature 17 year old girl who didn't know what she wanted to do with her life. (Not that 20 really helps with that at all, either.) Many people told me I'd be good at something that had to do with caring for others. My second mother, Mrs. Adams, told me she'd be happy with whatever I chose but only if it involved people. Although she wanted me with people, she subtly hinted at nursing. Through many clear signs pointing to nursing, I decided to choose that path. I got accepted into a few schools with some really nice scholarship offers. My head grew bigger and bigger. Nursing was what God had for me, I'd graduate with a 4.0, have little loans to pay off after graduation, and absolutely love the field. Wrong. My second semester I was enrolled in Anatomy and had such a struggle understanding it. Not only was Anatomy scary, but the thought of 3.5 more years of classes similar if not harder terrified me. I was a good student, so why was nursing so challenging for me? God could not have picked a better thing to rip out of my hands because it really caused me to be at my breaking point. Anyone who was involved in this process can vouch for the fact that it was one of my lowest times. Over the course of 3 or 4 weeks in praying and making my decision, I suffered from horrible anxiety attacks. After I'd finally stop crying, I'd start all over again. Sleep became my best friend because it took more hours of suffering out of my day. I tried to pray through the pain and keep my mind off of it, but talking to people about their major choices was always brought up by my need for clarity. It was a season of darkness I never EVER want to experience ever again. Anxiety takes over your entire body, but it also attacks your mind. Satan filled my mind with a whole lot of lies that month of unworthiness, low self-esteem, and no hope in a future. It may seem silly to you, but changing majors was honestly the end of the world for me. Nursing was all I'd ever wanted in life (or so I thought.)

I think Anatomy was what triggered my feelings for changing majors, but I also think God had a strange but sovereign plan in having my uncle in the hospital that same week after he suffered a severe heart attack. As I sat in the waiting room and watched nurses flying around checking vitals and administering medicine, I thought "How could I do this for the rest of my life?" Me? Me: the girl who hates throw up, the lifeguard who prays every time she gets on stand because she's terrified of saving someone, and the girl who hates the thought of anyone dying. The anxieties kicked in more. As I sat in the waiting room with 10 or 15 different family members, they could tell something was really bothering me apart from my uncle's health. I don't remember who, but someone asked me how school was. That was it. I had JUST come out of an Anatomy test before I got there and all the feelings came back. I began sobbing, not crying, but sobbing, in the lobby. My family talked to me and explained to me how many people change majors and change paths. I mean, I was only 18 for Pete's sake...

I felt God slowly calling me to education and specifically special education. That week of decision, I went to the Paul Miller Praying Life seminar we had at church. I learned how to pray to God like a child, weary and completely trusting in him. It was so helpful to me to have these opportunities of prayer for clarity and direction. When I had finally felt at peace as the seminar went on, Paul had his daughter, Kim, share her battles with prayer. Kim has autism and used assistive technology to speak to us through her computer. Tears welled up in my eyes. How on earth was I to know God would have a Godly woman with special needs speak to us. I immediately felt peace about my decision and later changed majors that week.

Through much prayer and God opening up new windows, I decided education was right for me. It gave me that level of care I wanted to give, the opportunity to deal with children who weren't sick or dying, and a perfect future mom job with summers off. Over the past 2 years I have loved my new major and feel more at peace about it everyday. I can't write this without admitting the tears came out through writing this. Just reflecting back to the work God's done in my short life brings joy to me knowing he's here. Thankfully the pain is only a memory, but it's a memory I never want to forget. It's the power of God breaking through my selfishness of planning my own future and not even seeking God's will first. I couldn't be more thankful for that experience, though I know I wouldn't have admitted that then. And quite honestly, the jokes about me "failing out of nursing school" really used to push me over the edge. It wasn't true at all considering I had a 3.5 GPA. People shouldn't make fun or judge you for the plans God has for you. But, through growing up a little, I can look back and laugh with them because if God didn't first break me, I wouldn't be this strong. I'd still be stuck in nursing classes hating life.

One more thing that truly touched my heart was a recent drawing of mine I found from kindergarten. It was a drawing of a teacher saying "I want to be a teacher when I grow up." I can't help but smile when I see that. God knew these plans while I was a little kindergartner. Heck, he knew these plans for me before the world began! God's plans are so much better than we can ever imagine! This trial gives me hope when I have the temptation to doubt God for a future relationship, job, or finances. But, I know that God works all things out for those whom he loves!

Perseverance in evangelism

Today just like most days I was surrounded by non-Christians at school and work. A lot of the messages at church lately for the college age have been pushing evangelism. This is definitely an area I am and always will be trying to grow in. I think this is such an important calling on our lives as Christians because what better thing can we do for someone than to help lead them to Jesus to receive eternal life. I don't know about you, but it sure does bring me joy to even think about it.

That being said, I can sometimes (a lot of times) go into school and work with the mindset of constantly wanting to share the Gospel. This is a good thing and I'm extremely thankful for my lack of fear of man when it comes to my faith, but I also want to eer on the side of caution. I believe sometimes with evangelism it's important to not be extremely intentional and "shove Jesus down someones throat," but needs more intentional relationship including opening up your life to them and talking about the joy of Christ in you. Make friends with non-Christians, step out of comfort zones, go to events with them you'd normally not go to (raves are not suggested,) have lunch, learn about their family, invest your life into theirs. These are all ways to build close relationships so the Gospel can easily be brought up in conversations.

For me as an American, instant gratification is always a struggle to deal with. When I'm tired, I want to fall asleep right away. When I'm hungry, I want to eat right away. When I want a web page to load, I click refresh 20 times until it works. We desire things to happen right away. So, for me evangelism is extremely difficult. I expect every single conversation I have with a non-believer to end in "Wow, your Jesus sounds so amazing, can you bring me to your church?" When my conversations don't end that way, I can feel very discouraged and think it was something I said or didn't say. But, I was so incredibly blessed by these reminders from scripture today:

The Spirit's promise to help us:
Matthew 10:19 "Do not be anxious how you are to speak or what you are to say, for what you are to say will be given to you in that hour." 

Our call as believers:
 Matthew 9:37-38 Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. “Therefore beseech the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into His harvest."   

God reminding us that we don't save, only He can save
John 14:6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

It's so incredibly helpful for me to look back at my own experience with salvation. I never truly had a moment of clearly meeting Jesus or a time to raise my hand during ministry to accept Christ. It was a difficult path of God slowly breaking my hardened heart that required the patience of those I'm still thankful for to this day. No one shouted at me while handing out flyers about my sins and told me I was on a path to Hell. No, they loved me and pointed me to Christ and persevered through my stubbornness. I always think how I wish I had that great salvation story that made people's mouths drop. But, it's times like these I'm thankful for my story to point me back to Christ and the way he met me. It takes time, care, and love for people to warm up to the thought of coming to church. So Christians, Be encouraged. That one person that you've been reaching out to who has had no interest in the Gospel is the same person you once were. Pray for patience and for the Holy Spirit to give you the words to speak and to persevere.

"Out of 100 unsaved men, 1 might read the bible, but the other 99 will read the Christian." - D.L. Moody

Why my children will Trick-or-Treat

Before reading this, I just want you all to know these are my own personal feelings and convictions toward Halloween. My intentions behind this post were never to offend someone or even change their mind. If you don't celebrate Halloween, please don't be offended by this post.

Every year of my life I have participated in Halloween. It's definitely highly ranked on my Top 10 Favorite Days of the Year. When I was 15 and finally decide to turn in the towel for trick-or-treating, but I began taking my sister or cousins out. There's just an unexplainable joy about watching children run door to door for candy. In fact, I think I enjoy it more now that I'm older and can watch my family enjoy it. I look forward to the day I can bring my children trick-or-treating. Last night when I got home after taking my cousins out, I got home to see an instagram post from my favorite new Youtube video maker/author/future pastor, Jefferson Bethke. He and his wife dressed up as the characters from Back to the Future. Under his picture, I saw hundreds of negative comments judging him for "celebrating" Halloween. It actually made me quite mad that these people had such strong opinions against Christians who participated in Halloween. Aren't we called as Christians to not judge others?

One mistake Christians tend to make is with understanding the difference between secular and unbiblical. Secular doesn't always mean unbiblical. Taylor Swift is secular music, yet I know thousands of Christian girls (and some men) who like to listen to her. Is it wrong? Am I honoring God when I listen to her? I believe that we can still enjoy secular things without going overboard on turning them into idols. The day I find my hope and joy coming from Taylor Swift is the day when my secular music choice becomes unbiblical. But, until that day comes (which I pray never does), I don't believe it's wrong to enjoy her. The same goes for Halloween. Just because it's not a Christian holiday like Christmas or Easter doesn't mean it's wrong for us to allow our children to dress up as harmless characters like princesses and superheros and allow them to collect candy.

I understand that there is a lot of history with Halloween in regards to praying to the dead and worshipping Satan. If you ask me, If Halloween truly is "Satan's Holiday" like some Christians call it, his intentions were never to have thousands of children going door to door receiving joyful hellos and fist-fulls of candy. I think it actually would pain him that "his" holiday is overshadowed by love and joy, which are traits of Christ, not Satan. Martin Luther once said "The best way to drive out the Devil, if he will not yield to texts of Scripture, is to jeer and flout him, for he cannot bear scorn." Maybe instead of fearing Halloween and Satan, we should view Halloween as an opportunity to mock the enemy whose power over us has been broken. (I wish I could take credit for the last line, but it's actually a Holcomb quote.) I believe that as Christians if we participate in Halloween with a clear conscience and allow it to be more of a fun community event than a day to observe Satan, we can honor the Lord in our decision to dress up. "Having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame." 1 Peter 3:16  

My biggest point of all is that I believe Halloween provides such a unique opportunity for community. We live in the era of coming home from work and pulling our cars into the garage and not leaving the house until the next morning. We have become a generation of introverted attitudes toward greeting our neighbors. What other holiday provides the opportunity for community involvement quite like Halloween? We ignore our neighbors every day thinking a simple "hello" is welcoming enough. If all of our neighbors know that we are Christians, I personally think it is a terrible witness to turn off our lights and hide in our basement pretending to not know what night it is. Maybe the act of turning on our porch light and welcoming the community into our household is not a form of celebrating a secular holiday, but the act of being a light in the darkness Christ calls us to be in John 1:5.

New Blog

I personally want to thank everyone who has had a blog and kept up with it. I admire you, and I'm jealous of you. That being said, I wanted to start getting back into blogging. As I went to hit "new post" on my old blog, I began reading through my posts. Everything was about ME. Yeah, it's my blog, but I was completely missing the point. Nobody wants weekly updates of my life and boys (which I posted ALOT about.) What good is a blog if it only build yourself up?

That being said, I want to start this blog to share what God's been doing in my life. Because what is more joyful than sharing the good news of Lord and Savior is doing in our lives. I don't know about you, but it sure does bring me joy. :) Yesterday, I was reading about the orphans in Africa. I thought to myself "that is so sad, I wish I could help somehow." And then it hit me.. I have a ministry so easily accessible to me called Covenant Mercies. Why I've neglected it for so long is beyond me. I texted my good friend Kelsey last night who works there and asked her the details. I prayed about it and asked God to give me clarification on if I should sponsor a child or not. Here's the good part of the story... I have extreme difficulty saying "I'll pray about it" when making a decision because I normally just pray about it and then still end up going with the decision I made before I prayed. Make sense? So I prayed last night that God would specifically reveal his direction for me in this situation. I was awoken in the middle of the night with the worst sore throat I've ever had. (You may not know this about me, but I absolutely hate being awoken at night. When I rest my head on the pillow, I don't expect to wake up until the time my alarm goes off the next morning.) I got out of bed and stumbled my way through the dark to find the sore throat spray (that stuff is amazing, btw.) I went upstairs and filled my water bottle with water and went back to bed. Instead of falling asleep, I laid there and was reminded of the kids in Africa. I'm complaining about losing sleep over walking downstairs in my HEATED house to my available medicine cabinet and drinking my cold RUNNING water. This never happens and yet I still have a bad attitude about it. I began thinking of the children in Africa who have problems far more severe than my sore throat. How often do they lay awake like me? How often do these children die of diseases I don't even know exist? How often are financial situations a struggle? How often are these children orphaned and left alone as head of household when they're younger than my sister? And the girls, oh the girls. Sorry for being graphic here, but what do they do when they have their period and can't go to school because they don't have access to feminine products? I laid in bed and thought "I have the nerve to be upset that I am losing an hour of sleep when children are losing their parents, homes, and opportunities at education." And conviction set in right then and there.

At 4:30 in the morning was when I made the decision to sponsor a child. For just $35 a month, I can help a child go to school, receive needed medicine, and have food on their table. $35 a month. Which is equal to 3 hours of babysitting, the profit I make off 14 headbands I make and sell, going out to eat about 3 times, or the equivalent to a tank of gas. But the thing that got me, ohhh but the thing that got me, was $35 a month: the cost of the additional data plan I was going to get when I upgrade my phone to an iPhone next month. Well guess who just made the decision to keep her dumb phone? this girl. When I'm stuck in awkward situations and wish I had Facebook on my phone or lost in the car needing a GPS, I hope I remember that child I sponsored and the small amount of $35 a month I will give them. I'm so thankful for the way that God meets us and brings clarity to us. When we're in the midst of trial, God reveals himself. And it warms my heart to remember that. Trust me, a sore throat is not what I'd call a trial, but it's still the little things God uses to capture our hearts. He is good!